Midnight f**king ages away when you're staying up for it with kids

Man watching Hootenanny alone starts wanking to see if it's possible to sink lower

Do you look like a cheap whore? A guide for paranoid women going to New Year's parties

Five gifts from AI that show it doesn't know the real you

How to have a Christmas sex party for one, by Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor

Season's greetings, from Jim and Carol: Five ways to find out who the f**k Jim and Carol are

Tragic: Elderly man spent Christmas alone because he's a massive bellend

Dating app introduces seasonal desperation mode

Six Christmas traditions from the late 20th century to befuddle Gen Z

Vegan asked if this is the year she's finally cured

How to stop yourself sobering up between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve

Mum interpreting every gift as passive-aggressive slight

University a load of bollocks if student can't win Trivial Pursuit, agree thick relatives

Inclusive gesture of inviting son's boyfriend for Christmas ruined by what a twat he is

Santa Denied Entry to US After Posting on Social Media That Trump Is a Fuckwit

Pair of absolute dickheads have baby on Christmas Day

Kid who wanted shit art supplies can't believe his f**king luck

Kick a bastard out of your family, urges King in Christmas address

Seven American Christmas traditions that make Britons think 'F**k that'

Six terrible lifelong sexual deviancies caused by delaying opening presents until after dinner

Five people who are worse than me because they're hypocrites, actually, by Andrew

The stoner's guide to staying baked all Christmas

We ask you: what have you forgotten to get from the shops?

Stranger Things marathon to ruin grandmother's Christmas

Santa Avoids Plate of Cookies Left Out by Erin Patterson

Woman with black, square head furious she's been outed in Epstein files

'Our summer highlight was John getting a suspended sentence': A Christmas round robin from a rough family