I CAN'T say 2025 was a great year, but I’ll be doing my best to recreate some of the good times I had back in the day with good old Jeff:

Save money on nibbles

Who needs fancy snacks when you're the only guest? Embrace budget bites like pickled onion Monster Munch, because the main course is all about porking!

Invite a bevy of beautiful sex dolls

Local escorts are too risky, so invest in inflatable friends like Natalia, Tyra, and Camilla. Just ignore the awkward name similarities with family members.

Don’t skimp on the pornography

With no real women around, lean on your extensive collection of vintage magazines and premium site subscriptions.

Include a ‘wanking masquerade’

Spice up the party with masks, adding a touch of mystery even if you’re the only one there.

Provide condoms for 'guests'

Nothing screams responsible host like a bowl of condoms, even if it’s just an illusion for your imaginary attendees.

Stock up on Viagra

Ensure a 'banging' time with a bowl of Viagra—perfect for solo celebrations!

‘Invite’ a hot ex

Spice things up with old flames, at least digitally, and enjoy the nostalgia with a side of Hollywood glamour.