'Ladies of the night', and five other sexual euphemisms sagely used by dads

You cannot fight the rising tide of Burnhamania sweeping the country, says Andy Burnham

Bus station the most feral part of any town

Relationship only truly over when he stops watching her Instagram stories

This week in Mash History: Entire nation enraptured by traitors in Scottish castle, 1567

US immigrants moving to safe red states

Most Australians Think 26th January Was Date Captain Cook Landed In Gallipoli, Survey Shows

A white home counties roadman suffers da rank consequences of misrememberin' peng gyal's birthday

The Archbishop of Canterbury on… shafting Andy Burnham, another brilliant vote-winning Labour idea

We ask you: which Oscar-nominated film will you grudgingly watch this weekend?

Couple on city break pretending to give a f**k about cathedral

Should you go gay with your male friends to attract women? The pros and cons

Six convincing reasons why Trump has a bruised hand, by his press secretary

Mum would enjoy The Traitors more if there was no betrayal

Deep-fry your Highland Toffee in Irn Bru: how to celebrate Burns Night while knowing nothing about it

'Being Mayor of Manchester so shit-dull I need a second job,' says Burnham

Welcome to Trump Always Chickens Out: Geopolitical Edition!

'It's a cup of tea people are saying is the greatest ever': Trump exaggerations in real life

Podcast hosted by Harry and Brooklyn grimly inevitable

Board of Peace announces it will award its own annual prize

Kmart Confirms They Moved Check-out to Centre of Store Just to Fucking Annoy You

Bob Katter Deports Himself After Calling for Middle East Migration Ban

Liberals, Nationals Fight Over Who Gets to Keep Gina Rinehart

Cameron Esposito’s Powerful Comedy Special “Rape Jokes” Is Hard-Hitting and Hilarious

How to voice your wife's complaints as if they were your own, with Brooklyn Peltz Beckham

How to beat the January blues with fresh new ways to wank

News, or some batshit old twat posting in all-caps on social media? A quiz