In a dramatic escalation of tensions in the Middle East, the United States has warned Iran it may be forced to release Melania, a feature-length biopic of the First Lady, if Tehran continues to ignore American demands.

Speaking from the White House, President Donald Trump said the administration had exhausted all reasonable diplomatic options. “We don’t want to do this. Nobody wants to do this. But Iran has left us with no choice. If they continue to defy us, then I’ll authorize a full cinematic release across the country.”

UN Peace negotiators have described the threat as a cruel and unnecessary escalation. “This crosses a line. Melania is one of the biggest, most expensive bombs ever made. America should think very carefully before deploying it,” a UN spokesperson said.

“This isn’t like sanctions. This is irreversible. Once you’ve seen Melania you can’t unsee it. The effects could last for years.”

She said the threat set a dangerous precedent. “It’s a slippery slope. It starts with dropping Melania, but it soon escalates to releasing the full director’s cut with commentary and special features. And then before you know it you're re-releasing Cats, which has already been established as a war-crime under international law.”

Donald Trump defended the decision, saying it was the only way to change the situation in Iran. “Believe me, once they’ve watched the first 15 minutes, they’ll be begging to come to the negotiating table.”

Headline by Anthony Bell