BROOKLYN Beckham is lining up a long, long period of regret for himself for when his wife divorces him, observers believe. 

The scion of the Beckham dynasty now only communicates with his family through lawyers after marrying billionaire heiress Nicola Peltz, a relationship which he has staked a great deal on.

Celebrity commentator Sophie Rodriguez said: “Peltz’s 13-film acting career is pathetic and only enabled by her rich parents. It’s still more than Brooklyn’s ever done.

“Should she get bored with him, as the ultra-wealthy are wont to do, what’s he going to fall back on? His photography? His cooking? His extensive experience of not being as good-looking as either parent while wearing a baseball cap backwards?

“Nobody knows what this row is about but unless he discovered David and Victoria engaged in satanic rituals to further their worldwide fame, which would explain a lot, he’d be best advised to build bridges. They’ve got loads of kids, he’s easily replaced.

“The marriage will end, the brand ambassadorships won’t flow in, he’ll fall back on the mercy of his parents and they’ll stick him in the servants’ quarters of one of their lesser mansions. Still only communicating through lawyers but now because it’s funny.”

Brooklyn Beckham said: “You only think that because you don’t know my ferocious skills on the mic as an MC.”